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#9 Soccer

Soccer is serious business to Mexicans.  SERIOUS BUSINESS. The only way I could get into this, is if I were the announcer.  Say it with me, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL”!

The two most popular teams are The Chivas and America.  The Chivas are named after goats? Ay Diosito, dame paciencia!  Why do Mexicans like goats so much?  I still have nightmares of when I was a kid, well… I thought my Dad bought a pet goat.  It was tied to a tree.  Later a bunch of people came over.  “We’re having a party!”  “…hey, Mommy…where’s the goat?”  And that was the day I learned, that literally, MY PARENTS WERE CHUPACABRAS.


So readers, what team is better? Chivas or America?

#8 Hawaiian Pizza

The way of the Mexican involves eating Hawaiian Pizza.  Ham and Pineapple.  Why do we like it so much?

We don’t know.

This is the greatest mystery of our culture.  It will never be solved.

Sorry,

El Borracho

#7 Raiders

Why do Mexicans love the Raiders so much?  It’s a California thing.  I’m sure they are nuts about the Cowboys in Texas.  But here, we have the good ol’ Black and Silver.  Mexicans are very loyal.  We good peoples like that.  So even if the Raiders haven’t one more than 5 games each season for like 6 years straight, it’s OK.  We stick with them.

Also, black makes you look tough.  We Mexicans pride ourselves in looking tough.  We shave our heads (Mr. Clean looked tough right?) wear black (Raiders gear), and wear baggy pants (metaphor for how big are “balls” are).  Plus, Raiders fans are just plain psycho, so if we can add fear by proxy by wearing a jersey, then hell yeah we will.

prod

#6 Leisure Time

I haven’t updated this site in a little over a year.  I still get comments on the regular though.  Love you guys!

So why haven’t I updated for so long?  Well, part of the Mexican Way is to be lazy. enjoy your leisure time.  We like to chillax with the homies.  I’ve been working on my car, drinking bud light, and eating crazy amounts of eggs with chorrizo and nopales.  I guess you can say this blog had itself a little siesta.

I’m back PUTOS!

#5 Natural Cures

Mexicans like to believe in natural cures.  It dates back to small villages not having access to a doctor.  Some of my favorites include:

Fever- Drink 7Up

Upset Stomach- Tecate with lots of lime juice (this one works with enough doses)

Constipation- Call your mom’s friend’s Aunt who know how to do this weird massage ritual thingy.

Stuffy Nose- Grandma’s Chile Verde

Heartbreak- Suaza Hornitos, 6 pack of…you guessed it, and a radio

Hangover- Menudo.  Crudo? Try Menudo!

A lot of Mexican girls can be found wearing these.  The content of their purses:

Eyeliner

Dark red lipstick

Aqua Net

2 Tampax Heavy Flow Plus.  You know, for the heaviest flow days.

Razr cellphone

Ringtone:

Burritos

Michoacan is a state in Mexico. It’s also the name of every other Mexican proprietorship.

Taqueria Michoacan, Panderia Michoacan, Video Michoacan, Barberia Michoacan,  The list goes on and on.

p.s. See that beer sign?